Uncertainty

Two weeks ago, Nan had a fall. Not uncommon but at the same time not something that happens on a regular basis. Usually, she just needs some help getting back up but on this occasion she couldn't reach her alarm and was on the floor for a few hours before being found. An ambulance had to be called to assist her up and to check her over in case she'd injured herself. One of the first questions asked when someone falls is, do they have an infection which is effecting their balance and mobility. It was identified that, yes, she did in fact have an infection. Unfortunately, before her results were returned she was sent home from hospital. Her mobility was significantly impaired by the infection and she really struggled to get in and out of the car and into her home. The next day, she couldn't stand. The hospital called after receiving the results of her tests and informed my family that she needed to return to hospital. After many hours, she was admitted onto a ward and her treatment of intravenous antibiotics began.

Knowing Nan, I wasn't expecting her to be in hospital for very long. She has always bounced back from illness. I've never really known her to be unwell. This time, however, the infection's taken hold and her body appears to be finding it harder to fight back. It's well known that as our bodies age, they find it harder to fight infections, they also find it harder to retain strength, muscle and ability when inactive for a period of time. My rational brain knows this, my rational brain also knows that medicine and physiotherapy can work wonders, that and Nan's resilience and determination could mean that she regains some of her mobility, if not all of it. But I was surprised by my emotional reaction to the situation. I've felt weighed down, constantly aware of this heaviness. Fear.

It's scary being reminded how vulnerable Nan is. I'm worried about her losing her independence, her confidence, her sense of determination and her spirit. When I visit her, I see her confidence has been knocked but I also see flickers of her determination and spirit. It gives me some comfort and belief that she will be ok.